Wanted, Dead or Alive
by ExAmoreDolorem
Summary: COMPLETE! Severus makes an insane decision after being unable to stand his life as a spy, and the results are tragic. But what will it be for Severus? Death, or rebirth? Dedicated to worrywart!


**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: This story is dedicated to my friend worrywart, who requested I write a story based on "Wanted Dead Or Alive" by Bon Jovi. I hope you like it :)))**

**This is based on the premise that Severus had been spying for Dumbledore since his 5th Year. I should add that I don't ship SSLE. This will be SSHG, if there's sufficient demand for a sequel.**

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_1980 - Wanted, Dead Or Alive_

It was all the same, really. Only the names would change. Every day, boys and men presented themselves to Him, offering to serve Him and His cause. They offered their money, their connections, their very souls. They'd torture innocent people, commit heinous crimes to His name, just to have the _honour_ of being Death Eaters. He had been in their place too once, not too long ago, and now he had everything they wanted. He had the _privilege_ of wasting away little by little every day. And he wasn't the only one either. He could see his old friend realising in what deep shit he was; how he regretted joining the Dark Lord all those years ago. Becoming a father had really changed Lucius.

It was getting harder and harder every day, it hurt so much we wished he could give up. But he had to go on, for Lily's sake. He would do his best to make sure the Light side would win, and when she found out what he'd done for her she'd leave Potter forever; she'd finally see he was the one who could make her happy, no one else. Dumbledore had assured him Lily's opinion about him would change when that day came. One smile from her would make it all worth it. He did wonder though, sometimes, if his face had become as cold as the others'...

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS 

She was PREGNANT? Nine months pregnant with Potter's child and Dumbledore simply _forgot_ to mention it? If he got more furious smoke would come out of his ears! Apparently, Lily's pregnancy was _irrelevant_. _Of no importance_. Nothing Severus should worry about, since he had so many far more significant matters to attend. That's what dear Professor Dumbledore had said.

He was wanted, dead or alive. He spent his days hiding, knowing everyone and everything was out to get him. It wasn't just Aurors, everyone posed a threat ever since the Ministry put a bounty on his head. He risked everything, every day, just for her; just for the possibility she'd forgive him and choose him over Potter. But now he didn't stand a chance, despite all he'd done. His sacrifices didn't matter.

It didn't matter that he lived a half-life. Sometimes he slept, sometimes it wasn't for days. Sometimes, especially those he spent near the presence of the Dark Lord, he would tell the day by the bottle that he drank. He was 20 years old and all he did was rot in the shadows. And he had no one. The mere idea of forming any kind of substantial relationship with anyone was laughable considering his position. He had no real friends or allies, and he knew it was going to stay that way for a long time.

_Christmas 1980_

He knew it was wrong, but he just couldn't resist. The masochist inside of him needed to see her and her new family. It would be Potter Junior's first Christmas and there she was in Godric's Hollow, with the asshole on her side, pushing a small stroller while he carried shopping bags. He would Avada him on the spot if he could. But he couldn't. So he stood there, lurking in the shadows, watching her walk happily with her husband and son.

Something snapped inside of him.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

He was a Death Eater, and a spy. In a few minutes he'd probably be a dead man, but he couldn't care less. He straightened up, holding his head high and placed his wand on the back pocket of his jeans. He walked the streets of Godric's Hollow with his face in plain sight and fierce determination in his mind. He played for keeps because he knew he wouldn't make it back.

Even with pain in his eyes, he stood tall.

He was too hurt to run but he walked as fast as he could in their direction. When he was about to lose them, he shouted her name.

"Lily!"

She turned, and he managed to catch a glimpse of her startled face before a beam of bright blue light hit him on the back of his head and he collapsed. He had sensed it coming. He had seen Black from the start. He had found no point in resisting.

He had the night on his side, but it was daytime.

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**Merry Christmas or happy drinking to those who don't like Christmas!**


End file.
